09 February 2010

Procedures For Parenthood

Plundering a record collection isn't easy. There's no other way but to get in there and ruthlessly rip the thing apart. Expect to get your hands dirty. Know that the good stuff will hide among the brambles of the bad stuff and that the bad stuff will act as a buffer to distract and tire you.

The first few times you'll probably botch the whole operation and walk away disgusted for having even tried. Don't lose heart. A good record collection is much like a happy family; throw in an adopted child or a financial dispute and the stress will make itself readily known. Learn to exploit these weaknesses to your advantage. Know that a child from a broken home is always on the lookout for a loving surrogate.

Once you've extracted the wheat from the chaff, allow the displaced records time to adapt to their new surroundings. Introduce them into your own collection gently and in a non-threatening way. Ensure they're relaxed and comfortable but take care not to fuss or baby them. Playing your new records regularly -but not exclusively- will facilitate this process. It is worth noting that threatening or abusive behavior is counteractive and likely to do more harm than good. Remember, it has been a traumatic time for everyone involved. With a little patience and care your new family will grow to be a happy and prosperous one. Good luck!

-In loving memory of Bruce Milne's record collection.

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